Hello Darlings..
Ok, to start off with, this post is gonna be really personal because i'll share some of my personal, embarrasing experiences as well as some difficult ones with all of you my dear readers. I am sure most of you who didn't know me back then, wouldn't know what i've gone through..
Well, growing up was not that fun for me (because i was overweight, fugly and had really bad breakouts), i always wished that i could do something about my appearance... People would look at me and say "You and your sis do not look like you are sisters.."..and i know what they meant was " Hey why your sis is soo HOT,and you're NOT?"
I did not have even a tiny bit of sense of style back then (not that i do now), where big T-shirts and jeans were my best friends.. High heels?? had my 1st pair when i was about 15 or 17, and it was a very cikai one.. LOL..
You won't believe me if i told you that my weight was about 75-80 kgs, 6-7 years ago...O.O
For most of you who are wondering how tall i am, the last time i measured, i was 165cm..Yes i was still on the heavy side, even with that height..
Ok don't ask for old pictures because i used to HATE cameras!! can u believe a camwhore like me can say something like that?! some of you will think i have Bipolar disorder or what not..LOL.. I didn't just hate cameras, i hated my body, my big fat arms, thighs, and everything about me.. and mirrors too..
And now, looking back, i think it is really unhealthy to hate yourself so much.. How can you look good, if you don't think you are beautiful? Your face will be all grumpy and your self-confidence will also be affected, and it will show by the way you talk, or even by the way you bring yourself among the crowd. If you feel that you are a bit lacking in a certain area, try to sit back, relax and really look deep down inside of you, and search for other good qualities or capabilities that you have but you are not aware of.
What made me feel better about myself was, even when i feel like i am the fugliest creature on the planet, there were some men LOL SOME ok ( i always thought they were half-blind or maybe just like Jack Black in SHALLOW HAL), loved me despite my looks.. okay maybe "cinta monyet". But they told me i was SPECIAL **stardusts falling** ( i hope they meant what they said)..hahaha ( macam cerita Forest Gump "My momma told me i am special" eh betul ka line ni?) ok it doesn't matter..
What matters most is..You have to love yourself before you want anybody else to love you...
Okay so...back to my weight issue..i was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst when i was studying in Russia. My late mama was so worried about me, she got me transferred back to Malaysia. I'm glad i returned home, coz if didn't, i won't be able to spend the precious time left with her (she was diagnosed to have Lung Cancer at the age of 45, end of 2007 and passed away on September 2008.. Al-Fatihah) and that would be my biggest regret in life! I came back after my 1st year final exam in Russia (Volgograd State Medical University), and that was back in 2005..
That's when i figured out that my weight issue was mainly related to my hormone. After i got the cyst removed, my weight started to drop slowly (with the help of healthy diet&lifestyle). In 2006, i got the same symptoms and found out i had a 2nd cyst, on my other ovary.. sigh...got that removed too and my weight started to go down the hill quite drastically..
And that was the story behind my weight loss programme.. hihihi... of course, i started to watch out my diet, i only drink plain water and green tea, i stopped eating fast foods, and started to count my calorie intake. No more canned drinks, less rice and other forms of carbs, lots and lots of fruits and vegetables..
And because i love all of you readers and followers so much, i decided to put some of my "NEVER EVER REALEASED" old photos *cough*... Heyyy!! even my Hubby didn't get to see these... You guys better LOVE me back! LOL.. Of course there won't be full photos of me when i was fairly BIG because i don't like people snapping and taking pictures of my full figure.. but the upper 1/3rd of my body can tell you that already right?
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| 2004 - Before the removal of my 2nd ovarian cyst (about 72kg).. So can u believe i was bigger than this??? |
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| 2006 - A month after my 2nd operation. About 67kg i think |
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| September 2008 - 57 kg... the lowest number on the scale that i ever hit in my entire life (except when i was a baby until primary school) |
The main reason why i have lost so much weight at that time was because I totally lost my appetite.. i was so worried about my mom..who wouldn't?? and after mama passed away, i lost a few more kg and my friends said i look so terrible i had to gain back some weight..
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| Recently Nov2010 - 62kg |
Did you enjoy the photos? You better do.... Hahahaha...
At this point, people always ask me if i had any PLASTIC SURGERY or liposuction done, and the answer is NO and NEVER!
Yes i've gained back some weight and i always wanted to get my 57kg figure back, but it's hard and i can't help it now that i am married and my Hubby loves to feed me with delicious, irresistible food. But hey!! I am happy with the way i look now, my Hubby loves me, and most importantly, i LOVE myself... i consider myself lucky, to marry a man who loves me for who i am, just the way i am and not for how i look... thank you so much for always being there for me through my ups and downs,..i love u unconditionally Hubby! you are my inspiration and strength...
Till then beauties...
Eat right, sleep right, and LOVE yourself coz if you don't, nobody will..
Some of the quotes in Forest Gump :
- "My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on."
- "My momma always said, Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
- "I'd make a good husband, Jenny."
- "I'm not a smart man... but I know what love is."
- "Mama always said, dying was a part of life."
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| When mama was healthy -early 2007 |
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| September 2009 a week before she left us - During mama's chemo session. Al- Fatihah... Rest in peace mama, for Allah is looking after you and you are in a better place now.. You are very much missed by all of us.. LOVE YOU MAMA... |
XOXO
~YANA~
